2001 B.C.

One of my good friends from NYU is a woman named Jenn. Jenn moved to the left coast shortly after getting married in 2001. She was in town visiting her folks, so we were finally able to get together in Manhattan for dinner last night after years of exchanging emails and ims. As we were chatting away about poop, work, diets, celebs while exchanging updated photos, etc., we got to know Tyler. Tyler was about 3, maybe 4 years old and he was having a complete, knock-down, drag-out, full blown temper tantrum. His parents were mortified needless to say.

This scene took me back to the very last time she and I had dinner in late 2001 B.C. - before children. Same scenario - a kid was having a meltdown, her parents had that we-aren't-bad- parents -no-really - look. Jenn and I were absolutely appalled. I, of course blamed the parents - something must be wrong...this a clear case of the girl acting out in response to prolonged abuse. Jenn thought we should call social services or at the very minimum the police. That little girl became the focus of dinner and how there would be no way in hell our children would EVER act that way in public. It basically ruined dinner that night because it was incredibly annoying.

Fast forward to the present and there we were in the midst of Tyler's kicking and screaming break with emotional reality, not batting an eye. We even exchanged that knowing smile with Tyler's parents - that I-feel-your-pain-but-thank-God-its-not-me-right-now look. We never skipped a beat. With two sons at the very far end of impulse control, I happily enjoyed my mommy play date, needless to say, in complete and utter peace.

Burger(less) King

On my way home from work today I get a call from headquarters. Its my husband who informs of two things - one, Brandon (my three year old) needs help with an arts and crafts project (did I mention he was diagnosed with H.A.? - that stands for "homework aversion") and two - that there was nothing thawed out for dinner so I should pick up some food. Great example of typical husband-like behavior. I have no clue how he occupied himself all day. And in all likelihood, neither does he.

Then I remembered that I didn't give him a task list today so he probably sat around doing nothing. My bad.

As I am contemplating how I could install a daddy-cam at home, he asks what am I going to get. So since dinner has now become my problem now, I figure when in doubt, go to Burger King. After polling the children, he tells me that the consensus was unanimous - burgers and fries from Burger King. So I pull into the drive-thru close to home and the conversation goes something like this:

Apathetic Male Voice: Welcome to Burger King. Can I help you?

Me: Yes, hi... can I have a kids meal with a burger and fries for a boy..with a coke... and...

Apethetic Male Voice: Ummm, we don't have any burgers right now.

Me: Excuse me?

Apathetic Male Voice: We don't have any burgers right now.

Me: You're kidding right? There are absolutely no burgers??? (While I am saying this, I casually look in my rear view mirror to check my end-of-the-day hair and make-up in case I am being set up for a commercial).

Apathetic Male Voice: Nope.

Me: You aren't kidding, are you?

Apathetic Male Voice: No.

Me: What happened to the burgers? (I mean WTF? Does the King know about this?)

Awkward moment of silence...

Apathetic Male Voice: Ummm. *sigh* I am not sure - I think the grill is broken. We just don't have any burgers right now. We might have some later. We do however have chicken.

Second awkward moment of silence.

So I call headquarters and my step-daughter answers the phone.

Me: Hi...umm...Burger King has no burgers.

Annie: Ha..Ha...not funny. Remember get me the whopper junior meal, no pickles, no onions and extra ketchup. Oh and onion rings instead of fries.

Me: No, I am serious. There's no burgers. Do you want chicken?

Annie: Why don't they have burgers?

Me: Well, apparently the grill is broken.

Annie: Well if the grill is broken, how do they have chicken and not burgers? Don't they use the same grill? I mean, if we wanted chicken then we would have said KFC. Duh. Can't we sue them for false advertising?

Point taken. So I drive away, perplexed. There has got to be something wrong with the world when Burger King has no burgers. Presuming that burgers and fries was the standing request, I wind up at Mc Donald's. What is the request from headquarters? Chicken mcnuggets and chicken sandwiches. This is typical decision-making from headquarters. Go figure.

Marriage and Children

When I was single, dating and aimlessly bouncing from one pointless relationship to another, marriage seemed like the promised land. I mean married women seemed to have it all - a great guy who would worship the very ground they walked on, money, great hair, great clothes, perfect nails. Having a husband and children seemed like winning the gold in the Olympics of life without the help of steroids.

Single was the antithesis of marriage for me. Single was unbearable at times, morbid and depressing. I figured that I would be happily married by the time I finished college. But that did not happen. Then I thought that it definitely would happen by the time I finished law school. But that didn't happen either. So marriage and children eluded me for quite some time.

As I approached 30, alone and lonely, I couldn't help but wonder, isn't there something else? And that something could not possibly be at the bottom of that Ben and Jerry's pint of ice-cream or in a Lifetime movie. So yes, I had a serious case of engagement ring envy. And yes, I read every wedding magazine I could find at the supermarket checkout, airports and on the train. In fact, you might recall seeing me - I was the one feverishly reading the wedding mags from cover to cover without an engagement ring.

And yes I was addicted to that infamous pull-out section of the New York Times looking for people I went to school who were announcing their wedding to the world. And of course it goes without saying - I watched "A Wedding Story" and "A Baby Story" religiously. And of course, I had at least 10 if not more BBMDs- bad brides maids dresses- in my closet. The constant reminder that I was always just one dress away from the grand prize.

Eventually, I wound up falling in love with a guy I had met on a blind date in college. We dated briefly and broke up (he was way too nice for me back then and I was a glutton for heartbreak anyway) and we wound up reconnecting about 10 years later and getting married. Finally I was the star of my very own "Wedding Story".

When I asked my mother for some words of wisdom about marriage, children, parenting etc., she replied, "the grass isn't greener on the other side of that white picket fence.... and remember, you can take care of your own damn lawn" . I didn't quite get it.

Seven years, a mortgage, two children plus a step-daughter later, I think I get it.

So after having worked a 9 plus hour day, I have just taken out the garbage, fed and bathed my sons, read The Very Hungry Catepillar to them for the upmteenth time, packed the kids lunches for tomorrow and finished helping my step-daughter with her 5th grade geometry homework (since my husband finds determining the difference between a trapezoid, an octagon and a triangle way too challenging). I am of course thinking about marriage, parenting, children and wondering what was so bad about being single ?